not quite math

i think i remember celebrating ‘avogadro’s day’ with my grade 10 chemistry class. if that’s true, it must have been kind of a stretch, because i can’t figure out how any date would have made sense beyond 10/23. only using the power part is pretty weak, but at least it sets a vague precedent for this:

today is 90210!

PS: that chemistry class was full of wonders beyond avogadro’s day. there was the vocal-yet-non-verbal periodic table song (and interpretive dance), some whole thing about ‘aqueous’ meaning ‘sheep in a blender,’ and many other hi-jinks. i suck at chemistry. i’ve always referred to it as ‘the geometry of science,’ which roughly translates to ‘annoying technical shit with a lot of equations to memorize and rules that don’t make sense or have any reasonable application beyond passing three trimesters of chemistry or geometry class.’ but at least with chemistry, there was an entertainment factor that offset my hatred for the subject. and i’d always rather have a class so impossibly hard that i barely pass than one that’s so easy it ends up killing more brain cells than an episode of jersey shore. anyway, i just wanted to take this opportunity to share one of my fancy private school experiences with the less fancy world. avogadro’s day, hee-hee-li-beb-kin-off-nee-na-mgal-sips-klar… yep, that’s what fifteen thousand dollars per year gets you (well, got you – i think it’s about twice that much these days). i hope this teaches you all to appreciate the value of public education. or something. this is why the category is called nuclear waste.

Posted by kate under nuclear waste | Comments (0)

caprica season 1.0 (omfg the siffy method of dividing seasons is still so painful) DVD release date

october 5 2010.

says amazon.

in other stupefying release date news, imdb is currently reporting that the first three episodes of 1.5 will all air on the first of january, 2011. the following four will air on february 28, 2011. the one after that will air march 30, 2011. do you think that they have some sort of game where some random executive puts on a blindfold and throws darts at a calendar? do you think that copious amounts of crack rocks are being smoked? do you think that imdb would rather list something totally nonsensical rather than nothing at all? feh.

i had a really good birthday for the first time in many years. up until the moment where i realized i’d lost my most valuable possession. there’s still a chance it’s at the woodinville cafe, in a pretty blue prius, or an apartment in issaquah with high ceilings and absolutely no apple products whatsoever. and when i say ‘valuable,’ i don’t mean that it has actual value in the technical sense. it’s just the most important thing i’ve ever owned and the symbol, the sentiment, are irreplaceable. so i have all these cake and presents and mashed potatoes waiting for me, but all i can do is tear apart my room from carpet to ceiling and hate myself for being so irresponsible and undeserving of such an object in the first place.

you can’t just call up a dead guy and ask him to make you another ring because you fucking lost the one you’ve worn as dutifully as a temple-wed mormon wears their sacred garment for nearly six years. i’ll seriously never forgive myself if it doesn’t turn up. never. so for those of you who plan on dying and leaving me one perfect piece of yourself that i can carry with me for the rest of my life, i’d like to suggest something i won’t be able to lose – like ashes that i can tattoo into my skin, or something like a kidney or an eyeball. i think it would be best for all of us, mainly me, since you’ll be dead and unable to really do much about anything, if we did everything possible to prevent future disgraces such as this one. unless you’re the self-loathing sort who would prefer my eternal desecration of your memory – in that case, i think you can probably trust that i won’t frack that one up.  ugh. the shame.

but i miss you, truth seeker. and the platitudes are basically true: you will never, ever leave my mind, and certainly, never leave my heart. every feather, every corny piece of stand-up, every gooey sweet bread, every tree i climb or fence i scale – you’re inextricably linked to these things, to the world around me. from the kalahari desert to any random swampy bit of lake washington. please, please, please never let me go. i know i failed, but i swear on the opera house, i swear on my loyalty to our president (who you really would have fucking LOVED, by the way, if you’d stuck around), i swear on everything that ever mattered to me that i will always, always love you – beyond my last breath, despite my failings – more completely than you could even imagine.

Posted by kate under caprica,link182,nuclear waste,opiate,twilight | Comments (0)

red letters

i would like to take this moment to commemorate a day in history when i had a social encounter and managed to not only act like a normal human being, but FEEL like a normal human being.  yesterday was my ‘day off’ between instances of interacting with people and i literally spent 24+ hours in total panic attack mode, at its worst, at my most neurotic and miserable. i wanted to hide today, too. but for whatever reason (and i’m pretty sure i recognize some of the behavior modifications i made that helped, but that doesn’t account for everything), i just wasn’t freaking out when i was getting ready to go out this morning. even when i was stuck in traffic, a classic anxiety-compounding event, i wasn’t sitting there with every single muscle tensed, saying ‘oh my god i don’t want to do this, i hate this i hate this i hate this’ over and over again. and yes, it’s so notably different than my usual modus operandi that it deserves recognition, at least by me. it’s equivalent to climbing a mountain or completing a triathlon or getting a graduate degree in terms of accomplishment, as stupid as it sounds. that’s how bad it usually is. it’s effing bad. it’s bad in my head and it gets really, really scary, especially on days like yesterday where it never stops, the furrow never goes away. and all the times that are like that, i worry that i’m just flat out incapable of feeling normal and HAVING FUN, like honestly having fun, as opposed to “sure… it was… fun.” dead eyes, all surface, no feeling. no feeling except emptiness and indifference and disconnectedness. not lying, not trying to see the bright side, just straight up having a good time without trying or forcing or faking. i really do feel like it’s not possible for me to feel normal a lot of the time, and it doesn’t matter why, it doesn’t matter what happens next, it just matters that it happened at all. it didn’t go away as soon as i got home and had a chance to ruminate. i hung out with someone for four hours and i was relaxed the whole time. i can hardly even relax on my own. i get worried that i’m a lost cause, and that it’s just going to get worse the older i get. but all on my own, i did a good job being kate. not neurotic mess kate, not sitting on the edge of her seat worrying about hair and makeup kate, not too consumed by the possibilities of things that could go wrong to live in the present kate. i was kate kate. standing on the beach in the wind, mccreary in her ears kate. front row of the radiohead concert kate. playing in the sand atop a kalahari dune, surrounded by thunder and lightening kate. the kate my BFF knows. the kate who was kate before kate was a self-loathing, lonely loser. the kate i thought was just a lie; a distorted, dream-like memory. i just had to preserve the moment. this will be the proof i can show myself the next time i think it will never get any better. i’m sure it sounds stupid. i’m sure it sounds small. and even if i’m too far gone to really find any reassurance when i reflect on this occasion, the evidence will still be there. it will be stored in my brain as fact, and facts prove possibilities, even if they’re not consciously recognized. it will help. it definitely can’t hurt. so this is a cairn. on august 14th, 2010, kate was here, she was a real person, and she was alive.

Posted by kate under nuclear waste,tl;dr | Comments (4)

all i want for my birthday is a trip to the t dot please

clipped from www.fanexpocanada.com Sci-Fi Guests Featured Guests TAHMOH PENIKETT WILLIAM SHATNER JOAN COLLINS ADAM WEST BURT WARD JULIE NEWMAR SUMMER GLAU MICHELLE FORBES FELICIA DAY DEAN STOCKWELL JAMES MARSTERS MICHAEL DORN SENDHIL RAMAMURTHY PETER MAYHEW ERNEST BORGNINE PETER FACINELLI – POSTPONED Special Appearances Also Appearing

Posted by kate under BSG,caprica,link182,nuclear waste,televis | Comments (2)

they’re all just jesus in the end

thom yorke is totally rocking the gaius baltar season 3-4 terrorist jesus look. he’s singing a new song at the big chill festival (2010). awesome.

Posted by kate under BSG,images,musics,radiohead | Comments (0)

best HIT ever

you’re gods damned right i was ridiculously irate. and oh-so-creative. i think the requester would be well-advised to contract me to write every single one of these letters. not a whole lot i do better than write in different voices and feign indignation.

Posted by kate under images,nuclear waste | Comments (0)